Mrs Khan Curse and Divorce rate in Pakistan
Apparently the rising divorce ratio is because women are not practicing silence and obedience that was so religiously instilled in them for centuries.
Let me tell you a short story from my village!
I have heard stories about great grand Aunt Nusrat in my village. Aunt Nusrat’s mother was just 21 when she was forcefully married to a 67 years old man (who already had a wife and 5 daughters).
His first wife remained in his nikkah but was sent to an old ‘hawaley’ and the five daughters were married off.
Aunt Nusrat’s mother, the second wife, was a perfect woman, she birthed a son first and then a daughter and then more sons. She always did all the chores and never gave her husband a chance to beat her. But Aunt Nusrat’s mother did not remain a pious woman for very long.
you know why!
well Aunt Nusrat’s father who was now around 80 years old, married Aunt Nusrat to one of his childhood friends. Aunt Nusrat cried and yelled for help but her mother asked her to bear the pain because that’s what women were supposed to do and that a good daughter must know how to sacrifice herself for parents happiness and honor.
Aunt Nusrat kept telling that she was not ready to marry him, to a point that while nikkah she refused to say YES but her father forcefully made her mark thumb impression. The old best friend of the father took Aunt Nusrat to Lahore and kept her in a house of one room. He was an insecure old man who kept her locked and made her do endless chores so that Satan doesn’t let her get attracted to young men of her age. whenever someone came from village Aunt Nusrat told them she wanted to come back but no one listened.
And then one day people say at night when the old man was asleep Aunt Nusrat opened the door and ran away. The old husband and her father kept looking for her in the name of honour and the mother kept looking for her to ask for forgiveness
Nobody ever found Aunt Nusrat ever again!
When Aunt Nusrat’s mother was about to die. She said to my Naanny ‘I want every home to have a daughter like Nusrat I don’t know how Nusrat being my daughter could be so brave. At that time the first wife of aunt nusrat’s father was sitting beside and she said Nurast avenged all of us by laboring all the pain on herself.
Aunt Nusrat in my village is referred till this day as a bad, disloyal, disobedient characterless woman who could not keep the honor of her family. In discussions women are told that she must have gotten in hands of criminals and sold out for prostitution. And everyone ends the discussion by saying she brought it on herself.
This is not one painful story and this is not a story of one Aunt Nusrat. If you have read it closely because of one senseless man-child, 8 women suffered, his first five daughters his first wife, his second wife and his 6th daughter, Aunt Nusrat.
Many people would say I am telling you years old story and things have changed now, so let me narrate you three short stories from last 5 years.
a) my sister’s colleague who was 42 and was earning a good salary said her husband always took her entire pay because he felt if money is in a woman’s hand she becomes ‘baelagaam’ and does not remember her position or responsibilities. she also told my sister that her husband keeps insisting how nice he is to give her pocket money out of her own pay and does not spend all in home.
b) one of my neighbors who was married for twenty years and did not have a child because of a medical reason with her husband was asked to always own the illness. And when her husband died in a car accident she was told to leave in laws house on the 12th day of his death.
c) one of my closest friend’s mother ran a school all her life with her husband. Husband never paid her a single penny saying all the profit he earns is for their collective family. When he died her mother got a very small portion of their money because her father’s brothers took a huge sum from his accumulated amount, saying ‘shariah’ gives them the right to have a portion of their brother’s collection.
you might say I am making these stories up but just ask yourself have you not seen such examples around you. Doesn’t such stories exist everywhere in our society.
let me give you a quick crash course on good women.
1- always say yes
2- work like a maid. work for themselves work for their kids, work for their in laws and work for their man-child husbands
3-if beaten up don’t tell others because good women keep family matters to themselves.
4-if suffer marital rape , remind themselves that it is not a crime because husband can use them all the time and there is no such thing as marital rape.
5- if taunted or bullied all the time, then they wholeheartedly accept that they must be lame, idiot and nonsensical to suffer bullying.
6- don’t say they want to do or become something in life. Their noblest purpose is to serve family.
7- and the list is quite long for becoming good women. These are just starter points.
Aunt Nusrat couldn’t do the regular crammed crash course of good woman years ago and ran away. she was not educated but aware. She knew she was violated and exploited and therefore she was brave enough to say No to what happened.
The sad thing is not that Aunt Nusrat had to take a challenging decision in bad old days, the problem is people still believe Aunt Nusrat and the likes of her are bad women. Women who speak are bad women. Women who point there rights are bad women. Women who want to become something in life are bad women. Women who want their partners to help them in household chores are bad women. Women if speak against marital rape are bad women etc.
Aunt Nusrat was a rare case years ago, to take a stand for herself. The silver lining today is as more girls are getting educated they are getting aware of their rights; they are ok to be labelled as ‘badchalan’, ‘poohar’, ‘nikammy.’ Women today are not worried about labels. They are financially independent and not scared to live on their own terms.
If more women reach on positions of power, more rights will be accessible to women in general. Now TV hosts like Huma Amir and actresses like Mehwish Hayyat etc are criticizing Mrs Khan because we have educated female hosts and celebrities who are aware about women rights and are ready to raise their voice and negate the popular accepted narrative.
So now let me simplify why divorce ratio is increasing!
Women are getting educated. They are aware about their rights and not ready to compromise on their right. They want their men to equally and actively participate in domestic chores. However, most men (educated or not regardless) want women to behave like cattle of olden times. And that is not happening and therefore divorce rate is increasing.
I know some men who do not know the basic of feminism would start blabbering well if feminists want equal rights then why don’t they talk about equal responsibilities.
For such rusted, closed minds let me clarify the responsibility situation of women.
In a common middle class house hold. A boy child is always sent to better education system and is always better kept. whereas his sisters are sent to average schools and asked to do all house chores without a day off. A sister in common household is not just supposed to do her work but also supposed to cook, give water, wash and press clothes for her brother and father. A boy if chooses a girl to marry, either is allowed or resisted. If a girl child wants to marry of her choice she is not only denied but demeaned and humiliated for being characterless.
For a married woman things are even more intense. Her husband needs taking well care off because he brings the money that’s all what he needs to do. But a woman is supposed to take care of house, take care of in laws, cook, wash, clean, make babies, raise babies and also raise her man-child husband. A working woman is expected to do even more, not be labelled as ‘azaad khayaal’ or ‘baesharam.’
A woman is already doing double in terms of responsibility so don’t teach us about responsibility at least.
some people would throw the same old logic if men stand in line of tandoor, bank, bills why don’t women do it too then.
The answer is simple!
A woman who can give birth to a child and can work nonstop can also very easily stand in line and wait as well, it is not a Newton task. The only reason why women ask such favor is to avoid male gaze, cat calling and harassment in these lines.
So the rhetoric of women like Mrs khan who are from well off families who enjoy maximum freedom and does nothing like ‘obedient silent servant’ sort of things themselves, but sell misogynistic narrative to shine their goods ( in this case young unmarried girls) for selling and accumulating money from families of young rich guys. Such women must be named and shamed.
This and other such women should be ashamed of how they have exploited women for so long in the name of keeping the family intact rather than keeping the family happy by being happy first themselves.
I remember when I was doing masters, my friend told me that a ‘rishta aunty’ told her that she was too dark to be married to a good guy and that she was studying English which did not have earning scope. Now the market is getting tenser for women even more. Now as a girl along with being obedient maid, you must be model thin beautiful and earn handsome money and bring heavy dowry.
I abhor this lady Mrs Khan, in a video, where she is convincing men to choose other than doctors if they want well earning girls. she never at one point says what men should do to get good girls and how to keep them happy in life.
Those women who are supporting Mrs Khan are well privileged and enjoy freedom and have servants and they just keep promoting such evil beliefs and make things difficult for girls who are actually suffering from tyranny of society and bad old traditional values.
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