i am at edge of chaos

They say
be who you are
but i don’t know who i am
am i girl
a human
a soul
perhaps i am all this
but broken
shattered
not knowing
which part i am more
and which i am less

they say
love yourself
but i don’t know what love is
is it to look good
smile a lot
never complain
but i do all this
perhaps
a little too much
or a lot less
i have missed the balance
between myself
and the rest

they say
to work for what you want
but what do i want
i am craving to know
who i am
and what i want
do i want the entire world
7 heavens above
or mere myself

i am at the edge of chaos
i do know my way back
but all i see behind
is strangeness
a journey
perhaps easing
but not painless

i want me to rid off pain
all the chaos
that resides in me
not letting me to be free
i want me to forget about the future
present
and
the past
and vanish
to never let anyone know
who i am or who i was

2 thoughts on “i am at edge of chaos”

  1. My real self wanders elsewhere, far away, wanders on and on invisibly and has nothing to do with my life.
    Hermann Hesse

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